Lessons

Well it sure has been a while since I visited this little site of mine! Excuse me while I dust my keyboard off and remove the cobwebs from across my screen.

As I've been in this 'motherhood gig' for just over a year now, I thought it was a nice opportunity to reflect on a few lessons learnt and ones I'm still learning. These are just a few thoughts I've had swirling around my mind and I figured this was the best platform to lay it all out there. More for self-reflection than anything else, but if anyone finds these things comforting then that's wonderful!

1. HELP IS NECESSARY

And amazing. Truly, it really is. So often you hear people say "just let me know if you need anything" but our pride tells us to say "thanks, but that's ok we'll be fine". Yes, most of the time you will be fine. But when you're not fine, ask or take any help offered to you. Without my partner's help, I would be lost. Without my family's help, I wouldn't have been able to have that occasional long shower or nap I craved, or have been able to work as much as I have. And without friends (some of whom I didn't even know this time last year) I wouldn't have maintained (most of) my sanity this past year. Even if its a quick chat or occasional message, those who care about you and your wellbeing will make themselves known and be there when you need. Just make sure you let them!

2. NOTHING COMES NATURALLY

Well for me it didn't anyway. Before starting this little journey, I'd heard all too often about the overwhelming love, devotion and purpose a baby gives you. It sounded like something out of a movie where your whole life leads up to this one moment in time and then everything makes sense. Fireworks go off in the distance and glitter falls from the ceiling while a symphony orchestra starts playing. Breastfeeding is a cinch, life with a baby is a dream and this whole new level of love for your partner becomes apparent. WRONG. Wrong, wrong, wrong. It's hard work. I didn't experience this instant connection because there was complications at birth so I didn't get to even hold him until the next day. Breastfeeding was really hard at first and didn't come naturally for either of us. We got there, but it took effort. Although I discovered a new love for my partner seeing him as a father, I also seemingly discovered a lot of dislikes in my exhausted, emotional state as we bickered a lot at first. Credit to him for his patience and understanding though. With all this said and done, is it worth it? Absolutely! But just try not to get swept up in this image of a perfect transition into parenthood because I don't think that ideal is possible. And remember that if you do find things harder than you imagined, it doesn't make you any less of a person or mother.

3. PRACTICE SOME SELF-LOVE

This one I'm still learning. For our whole lives, we are taught that in order to look after or save someone else, we must first take care of ourselves. Take an aeroplane emergency for instance. Or saving someone from drowning. If we forget about ourselves and devote all energy into the other person, chances are we will drown in the process. This is what it feels like in the very early months. Leading up to birth we are educated about newborn care and the concept of caring for the mother sort of goes out the window. This is really dangerous. Some days I'd find myself eating breakfast at 2:30pm or hardly drinking any water throughout the day. This was really unhealthy as it was right in the heart of Summer and I was breastfeeding full time. Any time bub was napping, I'd jump up to do wash clothes, wash dishes or do general chores. I was more concerned with the state of my house in case we had visitors (highly likely with a cute new resident living with us) or feeling the need to gain some control back in my life. Taking time to sit/eat/rest was way down the priority list. Needless to say, this left me teetering on the brink of a complete breakdown. Time to put mumma first (when you can) and let chores wait a while. It took a few months to find a hobby I could do, but I ended up taking weekly ballet classes. Even if it's just an hour of the house, it felt amazing and really helped my mood, energy levels and confidence.

4. NO JUDGEMENT

This was a big eye-opener for me as any previous parenting ideas I had, have gone completely out the window. I'm actually ashamed of the judgement I used to have for people I didn't even know. If the old me saw a parent struggling with a public toddler tantrum, I would've shook my head and questioned their parenting style. "GOSH, get your kid disciplined already, how embarrassing." Now if the new me saw that exact situation occurring, I'd feel like running over to give the mother/father a hug and whip out a kettle so we can sit down to have a cup of tea and chat (because tea solves everything, right?) Unless you've walked in someone's shoes, it's never ok to judge anyone, ever! Some people think that the second they have a baby, that automatically makes them an expert on ALL babies and parenting in general and they aren't afraid to judge what others are or aren't doing. If you have anybody like this in your life, swiftly remove yourself from that friendship circle. This type of judgement or negativity can be really toxic and leads to unnecessary insecurities. The only things a friend or fellow parent should offer you are:
help, a smile, chocolate, vodka (!), honest advice (ONLY when asked) or a high five.

5. FINDING PURPOSE

This is another one I'm still learning. Some people find purpose in their careers while others find purpose in motherhood. I feel like I need a purpose just for myself. Something that gets me out of bed each morning feeling energised and motivated. Something to work towards or grow. Something that will remain with me when my kid/s have grown up and flown the nest. And most importantly, something that I can look back on when I'm old and grey and feel really proud of myself for achieving. So what is this magical, mystical, unicorn-like 'thing' that will give me purpose in life? No clue. But I'm working on finding it.

Until next time..

Dee x